Paintball And The Mind

Well it has been quite a while since my last post so i have a lot to talk about. I have really grown close to Amanda over the past 2 weeks since we have been going out. We have been talking on the phone more and some other things. ;) School has been ok also. A couple of days ago was one of the craziest lunches at school. Ryan, Travis, Alex, Matt, Dusty, Justin, and me were all on sugar and caffeine rushes. That was funny. We were fighting over sour straws and they were old too. Also the pencil shapner of doom was different too. And today day has been both fun and a little depressing also. I went over to Alex's today because we were going paintballing with his church and while i was over there i saw one of the most messed up movies of all time. It was Freddy Got Fingered. This movie was funny but just wrong. I also talkind to Amanda while i was over there and we were talking about last nite and then i called her from Alex's cell phone. She really was not feeling to well to say the least. Then i went to go paintball. I got shot 13 times but it was still fun. In one of the games i zoned out and i all of the sun got really worryed like something was not right. I got shot right then also. When i was on the way back to teh church i got the same feeling again but stronger. I just do not know what is wrong. I tryed to call Amanda but she was not home and the weird thing is that she wanted me to giver her some songs and wanted to talk earlyer.

Life Changer

Things have sure changed for me in a good way. One of my friends that i talk to in Ohio named Amanda i found out like me. We had been talking a lot more in the past 3 week. We have now become more than just good friends. Her friend asked me out for her and i said yes. We have now been going out for 5 days and i am so happy. I love her and she love me, we talk online all of the time. One of my closest friends, Julie, is going to see a shrink on Wed. And that is good news. I am so glad i was able to move on thou because i am so happy now. Things have gotten crazy to say the least online thou. The chat rooms have been deferent and i talk to a lot of people now. There is Julie, Amanda, Travis, Ryan, Sarah D, Matt, Kylee, and Alex. Mostly it is Amanda that i talk to. I got to talk to Amanda on the phone today and that was fun. I just wish that i could meet her. I miss her every day and when we talk that just make me fell so much better. I dream of her at night (not in a sick way but just to meet her). I wake up and for a sec. i thought i was really with her. But then i come to my senses and realize that i am not and that makes me mad. Well i a so happy now that i have Amanda.*hugs and kisses to Amanda*

The See-Saw Day

Well i sure had my ups and down today (luckily more ups that downs). First there was the talent show and that was fun to watch. Julie and Rachel did really well and so did Jasile (i don't know how to spell her name). Then we did not have a sub or any teacher in Algerba II. That was fun. Then we had a sub in orchestra and we did not do any thing in there. Then come the drop it rises back up really fast. I found out the Julie has a boyfriend. I had a lot of stuff in my head that i was getting rid of when i found out. Well just put it this way, Julie saw me crying for the first time and i hope i don't cry like that EVER AGAIN. I was sad when i got home but then it got better. I went to a concert and that was one of the best i have been to in a long time. Just put this way, i was felling better in no time. There were lots of mosh pits and i got in a few and so did Mat. In one Mat and i were really pushing each other. I got hit in the nose one and it bled a little. But it did not hurt. The first two bands were not to good but when the others got on it got crazy. I had a lot of fun. My day has been good for the most part and all the good out weighs the bad and that was good.

The Argument

Well this week has been better that it has been in the last two weeks but it could still get better. Yesterday was the first day that i did not get in any arguments. That was the highlight of the week so far. Today was not so good though. For some reason i was really depressed and i wish i could quit being so sad. On Tuesday my mom really pissed me off. Told her that Julie and i had broke up over two weeks ago and now she thinks that i am not nice to girls. She got all mad and shit at me and all i did was turn up the radio in the car full blast so i could not her. Who i got home Julie called and my mom decided that she would bug me. When i was on the phone she would keep on getting on to me and i would slam the door. She said that she would tell Julie embersing things about me. I don't see what she could do. On Sunday though it was not all fun. When i was on the phone with Julie my grandma started to bitch. I got in to a argument when i was on the phone. I did not want her to hear that and that is what got me the maddest. When i got off the phone my grandma started bitching and yelling at me to do my homework and how i did not get off the phone when she told me. I yelled back and then my mom came in and told me to shup up. I didn't and i got hit on the back of the head and it almost put me to the ground. I went in my room and broke my mirror. So that has been my week. At school nothing really happened.

The Family That Is Not My Family :(

Well this week has been really bad for me. On the 29th i had my concert and it went well. Then on Sunday things got bad to say the least. I told my parents that i was not Christian
and that i really do not have a religion. They really freaked out and called almost my whole family. Now they have pretty much disowned me. They say evil things to me all the time and always look at me weird. Then that night i started to cut my self again and i had lots of pills ready to take. I was going to try to od my self to death. Luckily the first sleeping pill got to me fairly fast and i went to sleep. This whole week they have not said any thing nice to me and it is REALLY PISSING ME OFF. So the only people that are nice to me are my friend so they are what is keeping me alive. If i did not have any i am afraid that i would go through with killing my self. Then today had it not that i went to mall with one of my friend i would have gone crazy. When i got back my mom gave me a big talk and kept on swearing at me. Had i herd this all day i probably would have told my mom to fuck off. Then i would be grounded. I think that a lot of parents are going crazy because one of my best friends parents won't get her help and she really needs it.

Don't Get Mad Get Glad :)

Today Julie broke up with me. Yea, in some if not many ways I was sad but after talking to Ari I fell so much better. I don't know but she really has a way of helping people in these kinds of situations. I guess that i will deal with this very easily. Also i understand Julie's reasoning for breaking up and i am truly glad that she is going to get help and to tell the truth i am glad that we broke up if she was not ready and as in my poem "But for you I promise I will wait."

Well i was on the phone with Ari for over 1 hour talking about stuff that needed to be talked about. She gave me a good out look on life and it is true that i do not need to dewell on things like that.Well that is all that is going on right now and i end with this quote: "If yor ship doesn't come in, swim out to it." -Steve M. Pigee

The week of music

Lately I have been getting ready for a concert on the 29th of this month. It has been crazy to say the least. Not only am I doing a lot of music and shit but also some of my friends are to. For example some of my friends went to all region band and that is two days long. Also Julie has a recital also. Rachel and Julie have been working on a song for the talent show at our school. She has been really going crazy but if she really thinks that she needs the practice then I wish the best of luck to them. I have been working on some Beethoven like the 1st symphony. I think it will sound really well but I am last chair in the orchestra. I am going to see if and of my friends want to come to the concert. I think that January is the month of music for me and some of my friends. The only one that is usually doing orchestra at this time but quit is Sarah. It make it were I have no one to talk to during orchestra.